Tag Archive | grief

Number One New Release! Thank you!

Feb6

Link

Shadow is a children’s picture story about the death/loss of a pet dog named Shadow, and how it affects both children and adults. Emphasis is how it affects a child or children as this is often the first time they learn about death, the death of a dear pet is palpable, and how to help a child or children cope. Grief is real and it is hard for children to cope as they have nothing in which to compare this new loss, thus the focus is on how it affects children and how to help them cope using strategies such as talking about the loss, drawing pictures of their pet, lots of hugs and love, and possibly plant a new tree or flower in memory of the lost pet. This story helps children know that grief is normal and they are not alone in the dealing with and healing process of this type of grief. In the back section of the story are parental tips on knowing how to help your child and yourself. Learning about grief and/or pet loss is essential for social development in all children. Children are better able to understand the grief process when the time comes for a relative to pass away. This concept and principles can be taught at an early age in situations where a child’s best friend has a pet pass away or a family member.  

New Release of “Shadow”

Feb5

#NewRelease! $2.99 Ebook out, softcover out on February 16th! “Help a child or children cope with and understand grief with pet loss.” Palpable Loss! https://amazon.com/dp/B0DW2LHNW7/

Shadow is a children’s picture story about the death/loss of a pet dog named Shadow, and how it affects both children and adults. Emphasis is how it affects a child or children as this is often the first time they learn about death, the death of a dear pet is palpable, and how to help a child or children cope. Grief is real and it is hard for children to cope as they have nothing in which to compare this new loss, thus the focus is on how it affects children and how to help them cope using strategies such as talking about the loss, drawing pictures of their pet, lots of hugs and love, and possibly plant a new tree or flower in memory of the lost pet. This story helps children know that grief is normal and they are not alone in the dealing with and healing process of this type of grief. In the back section of the story are parental tips on how to help your child and yourself. Learning about grief and/or pet loss is essential for social development in all children. Children are better able to understand the grief process when the time comes for a relative to pass away. This concept and principles can be taught at an early age in situations where a child’s best friend has a pet pass away or a family member.

@MaryLSchmidt#BooksWorthReading#SCBWI#IARTG#BookBoost#childrensbook#picturebook#pets#petloss

Grief, Loss, Love, and Anger

May27

It should go without saying that with great love comes great loss. As fiercely one can love another, then loss happens, that is how acute this loss will be. I made this post public in the hope that it will be shared and thus, help others. I’m writing this post with sincere honesty. If my words help to validate another person’s loss, then my pain in writing this verbiage was worth it.

If a person loses a child, a parent, a sibling, and so on, the level of your love will equal the pain of your loss. The King of Loss is Child Loss.

I’ve lost many loved ones, many felt more acutely and for longer than others. I’ve lost many, but my first horrible and acute loss was the death of my baby brother after heart surgery to repair the heart issues that came with Down Syndrome. An innocent one, not quite age three years. A baby I changed diapers, gave small bits of nutrition and heart medicine (digitalis), and that meant careful measuring of dose, or he could die, and I was the one honored with baking his last earthly birthday cake. It took a lot of time to deal with this loss.

Sadly, I gave birth to my oldest son, knowing he was already gone to heaven, as he’d strangled on his umbilical cord inside me, yet still had to deliver him. It did not go well at all. At that point in time, Shane dying ripped me apart. It was too much. Dealing mechanisms failed. I chose a 30 day stay in a psych unit coming to grips with his death. I still feel his loss to this day, but not acutely, not all consuming. With the great love I had for him, the loss was too much. I wasn’t weak. My little brother had died one year prior, my stepdad only a few months earlier.

The following year, I gave birth to my rainbow baby, Gene, and I was scared as he was born blue, after 30 plus hours of intense labor. It came down to one last push from me and the doctor using suction cups to bring him into the world. I thank the Lord every day for this blessing. That was December 1983. Something bright and good came into my world.

Come April 1985, my third son was born. I was in bliss. We were a family of four. I won’t delve into the relationship I had at the time with my boy’s father. Sammy was a happy and well-fed baby, just like his brother, Gene. He started getting sick a lot in September 1989. Multiple sinus infections, ear infections, and he even picked up mononucleosis! His mono spot was positive, and the doctors were amazed. Source: Most likely grocery shopping cart. Reason: Lowered immune system due to treating his multiple infections.

He remained sick and had head x-rays and CT scans, sadly misread by a radiologist in Salina. His pediatrician never looked at the scans. The Ellsworth doctors never looked at the scans. During this time, Sam had a “bad head hurt” that he didn’t tell me about until after diagnosis.

Mono comes from the Epstein Barr Virus. If a person gets this virus, they can get nasopharyngeal cancer. That was the cause of my little boy developing his nasopharyngeal cancer. When finally diagnosed, it had already spread to his brain and both lungs. He endured a living h*** for eight months at KU MED, after diagnosis.

His manner of death was traumatizing and with horrendous pain at only age five years. My loss was so palpable, I was not a pleasant person. He died in October 1990.

I was extremely angry at God. Why did my son suffer? I still attended church; I was picky on how things would be for my middle son when he was young. I was ANGRY at God. With GREAT love comes GREAT loss. Acute loss that is still felt at times, and right now as I write this piece. Many years, I’d go up to confession and discuss my anger at God. Bishop Fitzsimmons helped me the most. I no longer have anger at God, and I haven’t had anger at Him for a very long time. Not since 1993.

Why did I write all the above? There are people in the Ellsworth community and county, and around the world who are going through huge losses. It’s an unquantifiable loss for each person. It’s normal to go back and forth after a huge loss. Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross became my friend, and she helped me the most with phone calls and emails after Sammy died. Our connection was special.

People are hurting with grief. Sometimes, when we are hurt, our hurt and anger gets misplaced upon another person. I see that clearly happening here, thus, it happens around the world. My post is to help those who are hurt. Your pain is validated. Only you know your pain. Your pain is real. Anyone can talk with me. I validate what you feel. I get it. Email me, text me, drop a note in messenger, etcetera. I will help you anyway I can.

I’m NOT a doctor and doctors are the people to see if your situational depression doesn’t get better. I’m a sounding board and I will cry with you. I pray my message is clear.

Lord,

Lift the hearts of the brokenhearted in Your Glorious Name.

Amen.

Grief Is Love: A Memoir of Surviving Bereavement

Jan11

BOOK LINK

From Amazon:

After losing her long-term partner, through poetry and essay, author Mary Deal shares the turmoil and oftentimes bewildering depths of her grief.

This memoir exposes the spectrum of emotions with which those suffering loss will become familiar or already experience. The author holds back nothing of her odyssey of despair. Her experiences and much she has learned to help herself provide other survivors a chance to see that they are not alone. Though everyone’s grief is different, all grief is surprisingly similar in its basis. Hope is found in familiarity with another’s grief and no one should endure the bereavement process alone.

Following the author’s progression through relentless sorrow, and finally redemption, lets others know there is validation for their emotional suffering. An easing of the pain occurs as the memory of loss takes its place among all other memories of the life shared with departed loved ones. This memoir offers helpful advice for survivors who endure their grief, until the puzzle of life meshes back together again in a new pattern.

My Review:

This is a great resource book dealing with grief. Although the author writes from the perspective of losing her partner of 31 years due to cancer and its effects, this book can help others deal with grief. As a registered nurse and as a bereaved mother of one baby boy and one son who passed at age five due to cancer related issues, I get the grief process. Kubler-Ross explained it best in the stages of grief, and each stage is valid. Not only valid, but we move back and forth in the stages of loss, and we are normal in doing so. The author spills her heart out in her grief. I’ve done the same with the loss of my boys. Partner and spouse loss is different than losing a child, sibling, or parent. Yet grief is the same on different levels. This book will tell you that your grief is normal and will help you deal with grief. The author had a highly trained counselor to help her mediate the grief she felt. Not everyone can afford that, but if you have the means, please see a counselor in this area to help you out. It’s hard when a partner or a five-year-old little boy tells you they want to go to heaven and we are not ready to let them go. You can read how the author dealt with that situation as well.