Archive | April 2017

Unsteady

Apr13

Many Faces of Cheri G's avatarMany Faces of Cheri G

Years ago, I had an “incident” with a fun house barrel.  A and I, along with my brother, his wife, and their two boys, had taken our girls to a local fair (years before our son was born or even thought about).  The small town agricultural fair is pretty much tradition for anyone who grew up where we did, and we were introducing our daughters to the wonders of midway rides, which I strongly believe was the foundation for their current love of theme parks and roller coasters.

On this night, we came to the so-called “Fun House” and my brother took the three oldest kids inside.  Our four kids were almost exactly a year between each, and he went in with our 3-1/2 and 1-1/2 year old girls, and his 2-1/2 year old son while my sister-in-law, A and I waited outside with the 6 month old.

We chatted and…

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I’m Not the Woman I Once Was

Apr13

I’m Not the Woman I Once Was, I Know the Hurt, the Battle Within. 

I’m not the woman I once was… I’m not the mama I once was… but I’m me, please take me as I am, full of flaws… I know the hurt, the battle within. 

My own mother was devoid of feeling towards most of her children, and I was the perfect black sheep in her eyes. She wasn’t affectionate, didn’t hug, or show love as I grew up. If she did show to any my siblings, I never once saw it. I told myself that I would the opposite with my own children, if I were to be blessed by God and given the gift of children.

I was blessed with three boys and one daughter (from my second marriage). My first born died in utero (inside me), labor was induced, and Shane was stillborn. I was crushed, and in an abusive marriage. My second son, Gene, was born ‘blue’, but he rallied around and with the grace of God, he is now a machinist. Sam, my youngest, was born and I thought life would be good. I lavished love, hugs, and kisses on both boys, and eventually left their abusive father.

I rose above an extremely abusive childhood and later marriage, to learn faith, love, and motherhood from my son, Sam, courageous fight with cancer. Sam suffered horribly, and I loved him so much. “I want to go to heaven, Mom”. How would you respond? I told Sam, “We don’t always get what we want in life, and you might just have to come back to me.” Who was I to be selfish? Why didn’t I let Sam go to heaven? Sam ended up passing away at age five years old; after I begged his father to ‘let him go’ the third time after his heart was restarted. I was broken, and full of shattered shards and bits of life, as we know it.

I’m not the woman I once was… I’m not the mama I once was…

– Many on social media know that I’m not who I used to be, but you don’t need to shun me. Take me as I am, full of flaws… I know the hurt, the battle within. 

– I’m different now… a different ‘me’. It has been this way since October 1990. Please acknowledge me and not try to make feel like a leper. Each individual has their own path in life, people come and go, change happens, and life goes on. Each person is their self, yet change changes them to varying extents. Accept me as I am, and I will do the same back to you. I know the hurt, the battle within. 

– When I remarried, my new daughter never got the chance to know the ‘me’ before the new me. Rachel – you never got to know the first ‘me’ before ‘the new me’. I’m sorry you never got to meet the ‘first me’ – you may have liked that ‘me’. I did my best as you grew up and afterwards, yet I was never ‘there’ for you in the way I should have been, and for that I’m sorry. I know the hurt, the battle within. 

 – When Sam died, and after the tubes were removed, I rocked him in my arms for about 20 minutes. My body was torn apart and I could barely even breathe. I know the hurt, the battle within. 

– I kissed Sam’s corpse over and over, and messed up his lips (he had been intubated and required lip filler), and nothing was ever the same. I know the hurt, the battle within. 

– I’m sorry to both my kids on Earth, Gene and Rachel, and to my husband, for always being there in my physical form, but yet not ‘really there’. Imagine a zombie mother living in the house and baking cookies yet she isn’t really ‘there’. A mother going to Boy Scout events, field trips, musical events, sports games, and the like, but one part seems missing. I know the hurt, the battle within. 

– As each year passes by, I am more ‘there’ but know that moments do happen and always will happen. You see change is inevitable, and some parents change even more so. I know the hurt, the battle within. 

– For us baby boomers who have lost, we never had enough pictures, and never will. Thankfully the millennial generation, have tons of instant pictures thanks to electronics. Life has taught me that if you are a parent, just love your children, say it and show it every day. Spoil them from time to time, (as it doesn’t hurt to give a little sometimes), and those are moments to treasure. Don’t let Valentine’s Day be a day of showing your love; make every day that day – a day full of love. You only have the here and now so make the most of it, and you won’t be sorry. I know the hurt, the battle within. 

Words for Those Who Have Not Lost a Child or Children 

Does it get any easier after losing a child?  Somewhat…

Is it possible for a parent to be happy their child/children are perfect in Heaven above… and feel peace with that?  Sure… (It took me twenty-three years for Eli and somewhat less for Joshua.)

Can a parent ever “get over” losing a child?  No.  This is the KING of loss.  We can be happy that they are perfect in Heaven and sad at times when we miss them the most.

Bereaved parents are continually re-writing each day, as they try to cope with their new “normal.”  This won’t change.  We will think of our loss when other children reach milestones such as their first tooth, first steps, first words, kindergarten, holidays, best friend, graduation, prom, falling in love, first kiss, learning to drive, getting married… the list is endless. There will always be reminders of our loss.

The WORST things you can ever say to a parent who has suffered the KING of loss, even after one, ten, twenty, or more years?  “You should be over it by now,” or “Move on with life.”  You see, we are moving on with life. We just do it one hour… one day at a time… re-writing life as we go along.

 ~  Mary Schmidt, February 2017

 

This entry was posted on April 13, 2017. 3 Comments

Yellowstone – Have you been there?

Apr13

Yellowstone – Have you been there? Such a gorgeous national park. In case you haven’t, allow me to share just a few photographs and paintings of this spacious and wild park. 

Old Faithful – one of the most talked about features of Yellowstone. 

old_faithful_yellowstone_wyoming_by_mschmidtphotography-d745nzc

Lower Falls – I painted this one.

lower_falls_yellowstone_national_parkwyoming_by_mschmidtphotography-d7b1t4j

Yellowstone River – Again, one of my paintings of this beautiful and rugged park. 

yellowstone_river_yellowstone_national_park_2014_by_mschmidtartwork-d7b47wi

Excelsior Geyser – One can see many different views of this geyser. 

excelsior_geyser_yellowstone_national_park_wyoming_by_mschmidtphotography-d745ljc

What would Yellowstone be without a few bison? 

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I hope you enjoyed viewing just a small part of Yellowstone National Park. If you wish to peruse more of my paintings, photographs, and art works, please visit my gallery here. 

 

 

 

 

This entry was posted on April 13, 2017. 2 Comments

195 Powerful Verbs That’ll Spice Up Your Writing

Apr13

Writing your first novel-Some things you should know's avatarWriting your first novel-Things you should know

Powerful verbs list image 1I wish I could take credit for this blog but it was written by Jerry Jenkins. He is probably my favorite blogger and one of my favorite authors. You can find him at jerryjenkins.com

He did give permission to share this blog with any writer who needed to read it. He wanted to get the word out. So I thought about you, my followers.

Do you ever wonder why a grammatically correct sentence you’ve written just lies there like a dead fish?

I sure have.

Your sentence might even be full of those adjectives and adverbs your teachers and loved ones so admired in your writing when you were a kid.

But still the sentence doesn’t work.

Something simple I learned from The Elements of Style years ago changed the way I write and added verve to my prose. The authors of that little bible of style said: “Write with nouns…

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How to Use Twitter Hashtags to Gain Followers and Build Your Audience

Apr12

cathleentownsend's avatarCathleen Townsend

hashtagOne of Twitter’s advantages compared to other forms of social media is that it’s possible to build a network quickly. But if you don’t want a network with nothing but bots and online marketers, you’ll need to find some real people, hopefully ones who share some of your interests. Hashtags can help.

Hashtags are a word or phrase that come after the pound sign (#) and are included in your tweet. For example:

Come read my #blogbattle winner, Oak: http://wp.me/s6jPnk-oak. #shortstory, #flashfiction, #amwritingfantasy

I’ve never used four hashtags in a tweet before, but the story title was short, and one of the hashtags worked into the message. Generally, I restrict my hastags to only one or two.

Whenever you use a hashtag, you aren’t just identifying with a group, like wearing the jersey for your favorite team. Hashtags do more than that.

On the top right hand side of the menu…

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This entry was posted on April 12, 2017. 4 Comments

A “Cheer For Your Cheering.”

Apr12

Vintage background with quill pen and inkwell on table

Friday, July 5, 2002
Kudos…of course your wonderful cheers were read the day after
July 4th and provided inspiration and encouragement……then
this wee cheer just seemed to flow, so please accept it as a
“cheer for your cheering.”

Around the darkness wings which glow,
swing by winds in circles which go;
Holding the harsh bold forces at bay,
while the forests trunks and limbs sway.

Mighty were the howling winds at noon,
sending ripples across the blue lagoon;
Sorting shadows and embers were they,
awaiting the close of another amber day.

Noble but a lady strong and fair,
only clad with thread worn wear,
vowed to harness the forest born air.

Then she chose her own time and place,
met the howling winds face to face,
held our breth, and her hand to mine,
at last the tempest winds doth resign.

Now our forest hears sweet carols sung,
for from the forest forces were wrung,
and in Faerie cheers blossom the power,
of tempest winds compelled in that hour.
–Denny Lancaster aka The Faerie Keeper