(This isanotherin the Why You Should Never Live With… series. Unreliable Narrator here. Chick-Lit Heroine here. Cop From A Crime Novel here. Young Adult Protagonist here. Literary Fiction Hero here. Romantic Hero here. Historical Fiction Hero here. Women’s Fiction Husband here.)

It’s the weekend. The sun is shining,and you just had the most marvellous avocado-laden brunch in town with friends. You open the door of your ultra-modern duplex. Suddenly, an unseasonably chill wind blows, and you feel the urge to brush cobwebs from your ears. Not for the first time, you peer with confusion at the dingy patterned wallpaper in youroddly darkhallway, and wonder how it got there. You smell fresh onions and old sweat, and turn around. Historical TV Drama Woman is behind you, wearing a frayed muslin dress which was once elegantly pretty – long ago. Her bottom half…